The Soap Opera That Is My Life

Well. Here I am again. My life is pretty boring right now. Holly is coming down from Orlando tomorrow and is staying until Sunday. I can’t wait. I feel like I haven’t seen her in forever. We are supposed to go to Juan’s house for NYE, but who knows now. My mom was supposed to watch Taylor but she says she is fed up with her. Taylor has been acting like such a brat lately, I can barely stand to be around her. I have to fight with her to get her to do anything anymore. I have to fight with her to get in the bath, to get out of the bath, to get dressed, to leave the house, to pick up her stuff. It is like a constant war zone with her. I don’t even know what to do with her. What happened to my sweet little girl who did what she was asked to do without complaining?? Today when I called my mom from work to see how she was feeling, (she is home with my mom for the week), she was in the background crying and screaming because she did not want to get dressed. My mom’s at the end of her rope with her, and I can’t say I blame her the was she was yelling at her. I don’t know. I make her do what she’s supposed to but I am getting fed up with it also. She is acting up all the time, constantly crying and whining if she doesn’t get her way. Sigh. I just wish I knew what was wrong, I feel so stupid because it’s like I can’t even control my own kid. I feel like a bad parent. Like my kid is going to turn out bad and it is all my fault because I don’t know wtf to do with her anymore. L
I have a new boyfriend now. He is in the Marine Reserves and he will be leaving for a year on Jan 4th. Yes I know it’s silly to get involved with someone who is elaving but I can’t help who I like. :P My boyfriend called me yesterday while I was at work because I had sent him a text asking if he was mad again because I hadn’t heard from him in awhile. So he called to tell me he had been really busy getting ready (he’s leaving the 4th for a year) and he had lost his phone and had just gotten it hooked up to his old phone. Then I called him last night before I went to bed and we talked for a little while but he went to sleep soon after I called him. I felt a little bad because I feel like he should talk to me while he has the chance even if he is tired. In a few days he won’t be able to talk to me for a whole year, so what is losing 15 min of sleep to talk to me? I don’t know maybe I am over reacting like usual. I am going to miss him, I was trying not to like him a lot, but I do. It sucks. I knew he was leaving and I got attached to him anyway. I’m such a dummy and a glutton for punishment. BLEH.

Well here it is December 16th and I still haven’t heard anything from you-know-who. One night my Yahoo messenger messed up, so I logged onto my second screen name and when I finally got back on my regular one, he had sent me an offline message “Are you there?” so it was only ten minutes from the time he had sent it, but he didn’t respond to my message so oh well. I think I am just giving up on ever talking to him again, even if he does call or whatever, I don’t think I even want to talk to him. He is so inconsiderate, I left him a voicemail saying I really needed to talk to him about something and he didn’t bother to call back. Fortunately, I think my problem is solved so I can kick him out of my life permanently and not have to worry about it. Still he is such an ass. He is the one who started talking to me again saying how he cared about me still and blah blah blah, and then he knows I needed him and didn’t even make sure I was ok. So obviously he doesn’t care about me like he said. G is such a jerk, he hasn’t called or seen T in almost two months again. He never sees her, he never calls, he never asks about her. He is such a terrible, selfish father. He doesn’t give a crap about his kid. I hope one day he realizes what a creep he has been for some girl who is just as selfish as he is. I know for a fact she doesn’t like my daughter being around, and I know that’s why he never sees her. He is so whipped he won’t even stand up for his own kid. My mom and Taylor and I are moving to a three bedroom house in Feb. I can’t wait to finally have my own room and actually have room for all our stuff. I can’t stand living with all the clutter anymore. I wish it was Feb now. I still have a month left to wait, blah! Anyway, hopefully it will come quickly. I can’t wait to move. I’m going to be further south and closer to my work and my friends so I’m excited. Plus I have my own room and I can paint it any color I want. When I get my income tax return I will probably get new furniture and give T my old stuff. Its white and girly so she will like it. Anyway more later!

Well, men stink. M told me to call him that night so that we could further discuss what we had been talking about, I think it was Tuesday night, and then when I called him he had his cell phone turned off and it just went straight into his voicemail without ringing. So I tried again like an hour later and it was still off. He has had it off since then, so I guess he went and crawled back into his hole. Maybe he got upset because he saw me again and we started talking about relationships and everything, but still he did it again. After apologizing and saying he should have told me something, he went and did the exact same stupid thing again. I think he needs the drama in his life, he just has to have some sort of drama going on so he creates it. Last night I was having problems with my yahoo messenger so I signed onto my second account, the one I barely use and then once I got back on my usual one I had an offline message from him: “Are you there?” He had sent it like 10 minutes before I got back on so I figured I’d try to message him back but I didn’t get a response so I sent him “I guess you left, talk to you in two months.” I am such a smart ass. Oh well he deserves it. I am through playing his stupid games with him, it’s ridiculous, he has no respect or common courtesy. To tell someone to call you and they do and your phone is off, ok fine maybe you are busy at that moment, but then not to call them back or contact them in any way for 5 days after that is just ridiculous and I decided even if he did want me back, tough cause I’m not going back to waiting to hear from him for days at a time. It’s just ridiculous.
Anyway, Holly was down this weekend. We had fun. She stayed down in Miami on Friday night so she could see J and then she came to my house Sat morning. We went to the mall and got our pedicures and then we went around the mall for awhile and then we went to dinner at the cheesecake factory. Then that night we went to Juan’s house and hung out with him for awhile. Then Sunday we went to a different mall and then she went back home. I had a pretty good weekend until the moron messaged me. Now I’m driving myself crazy wondering what he had wanted because I am curious as to what his excuse was this time. Why do I have to have feeling for him? Why is it the one guy I have feelings for since G is the one who treats me the worst? There are three ncie guys who want to be with me, and I’m still stuck on the jerk. It figures.

I am so freaking frustrated right now! I spoke to M today and we started out talking about the Dolphins/Bills game Sunday cause I got tickets so I invited him, then somehow we got to talking about our relationship. He says he can’t be with anyone right now, and he doesn’t want to hurt me and he doesn’t want to get hurt. He kept saying that “I don’t want to hurt you.” I kept asking him , HOW do you think you are going to hurt me? But he seems so confused, he couldn’t even give me a straight answer. It frustrates me that I know he likes me and wants to be with me and I like and want to be with him, but he won’t or can’t or whatever because he is afraid to trust people. It just FRUSTRATES THE HELL OUT OF ME! ARGH! Whenever I am with him it feels so right to be there, I love every minute of it. And I know he likes being with me so WHY can’t we be together??? He “just can’t let anyone in right now”. I want to understand I REALLY do, but I don’t. I wish I did. He had to go finish his paper in the middle of the conversation and I was like can we talk later he’s like yes call me Friday. I’m like FRIDAY?? I was like can we please talk tonight I can’t live with feeling this is unresolved for three days. So he told me to call him tonight at 11 when he gets home from school and we will talk then. I know how I am and I know this is going to drive me nuts until I have a chance to talk to him about it. It is going to be a long 6 and a half hours. BLAH!!!!!! I will write more after I talk to him and have more to talk about! Til then!