The Soap Opera That Is My Life

Well. Been a long time since I have written in here. Life is ok I suppose. I got a new job in May working with Chris and Juan and I like it. It's pretty cool and I am making a lot more money. I got a new car. I got a 2005 Saturn Ion Quad Coupe in black. I love it.

Anyway, men are men, and as usual nothing ever goes right in the love department for me. Nothing. The guys that are stable and good for me, I'm not attracted to. The guy I love is so far away and can't be here even if he wanted to be. It hurts knowing he is out of reach and knowing I care so much about him. I push him away and he comes back. I push further and he still comes back. I was supposed to be able to see him this weekend when I was in Chicago but it got cancelled. It isn't his fault, but I'm still disappointed. I wanted to see him in person because I just thought to do so would make everythign fall into palce for me. Either seal it that yes this is the way I feel and yes this is what I want or not it isn't and I could move on. The thing with him is so painful sometimes it tears me up. I want to be with him so much. Whenever I have a bad day I just want him to hold me and make it better and he can't and it is tearing my heart apart. I don't know what to do anymore. I push him away to make the hurt stop and it doesn't stop. It just gets worse when he isn't in my lfie at all.

Maybe one day things won't be so screwed up for me anymore, but today is not that day.