The Soap Opera That Is My Life

OMFG! I am so ANNOYED!!!!!!! My stupid car loan company is full of idiots! I changed my insurance from Geico to Progressive to get a better rate and I put them as my lien holder. Well they send me a letter saying that I did not have them listed as my lien holder and to change it right away, so I did. I faxed them proof twice, even though I had already had them on there, just with their physical address instead of their po box. Well they go and purchase extra insurance for my policy saying I still didn’t have them listed at the lien holder, now they think I am going to pay them an extra 72 bucks a month for insurance I already have and have had! It is so ridiculous! So I call to straighten it out, oh well she isn’t here until 9:30. I am so damned aggravated! If they think I am going to pay that they are crazy. It said in the letter that if I cancel the insurance I have to pay any unpaid premium. Uhm no. I don’t freaking think so! They can come take my car but I’m not paying that garbage! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is always freaking SOMETHING! I take care of one problem and there is another one right behind it. @!#$@!%#^$%!!!!!!

Well here I am again. Life is so confusing. I started talking to this guy named Tony and I really liked him we seemed to get along, but I met him in person and things just didn’t click. I don’t know. I know he is a nice guy, but it just doesn’t feel right with him, and it should. Maybe I am trying to find something that doesn’t exist, but I just want someone who feels right, someone who makes me feel complete when I am with them. Someone I can’t wait to be with who has the same goals and ideals that I do. Maybe I will never find that, maybe I am just being far too picky, but I want what I want and if I can’t find that someone who makes my heart beat faster then I would just rather be alone. Except I keep hurting people because I don’t want what they want. It really stinks.
Anyway, a partner at the law firm I work at passed away Sunday. Today was his memorial service. I had never met him because he became sick before I began working here, but I knew his sons a little bit. They worked here over the summer, nice guys. I went to the service out of respect for them and the firm. It was very moving and sad. I feel so bad for his kids, losing their father. I only pray to God that he helps them get through their loss. Them and their mom. I lost my father when I was only 8. I can barely remember him now, but I can understand a tiny bit about what it feels like to lose a parent. I think I am over-sensitive because I keep thinking about it. I really wish there was some sort of peace or comfort I could offer them, but I barely know them, and I don’t know what I could do anyway. So I guess all I can really do is pray that they find peace with it. Listening to the service made me do a lot of thinking about my own life. If I died today, would I feel satisfied with what I accomplished? No, not really. When something like this happens, you start to realize that your life is short. I’m not going to be here forever, and I want to leave my impression on this Earth. I want to go to my grave knowing I lived a full life, saw what I wanted to see, did what I wanted to do, helped people, touched lives. Maybe it is unrealistic, but I am going to try my best to make it happen. I want my daughter to remember me as someone who did and not just watched. Even though I did not know him well, hearing about his life through his friends and family really inspired me to get my life to where I want it to be. To experience things, to just get up and DO. I’m really glad that I went, even though I am sorry his family is suffering so much. I wish I could tell them in some way that he touched me, even though I never even met him.

Yawnz! It isn’t Monday, but it sure feels like it because I was off from, work yesterday. I am sooooo tired!!!! You know, people make fun of me, but you can meet the coolest people online. I have met some really awesome people from chatting online, and it is much easier for me then going up to someone new and just talking to them. Don’t get me wrong I love meeting new people in real life too, but people shouldn’t knock the internet. Which brings me to my next point, why is it that the coolest people I meet live so freaking far??? It’s great when I meet someone online and chat with them for hours and find out how really great they are, but when they live really far and nothing more can come out of it, sometimes it is just really disappointing. Ok, let me get over it. I don’t know why I am going on this rant today, actually I do, but I’m not gonna get into it lol. Anyway, yesterday I took Taylor to see Racing Stripes. What a cute movie, I loved it. We had a good time. I didn’t really do much this weekend, there’s a first, but I wasn’t feeling right and Sunday I just hung around the house and watched football. (My Jets lost WAHHHHHHH!!!) L
Alex keeps calling me, which I don’t understand because he told me not to call him again, then he calls me like twice, and then he messages me, so Holly tells him “Danielle wants you to leave her alone” and he sends her this big long winded apology thing, and so then he messages me again talking about how he got a message from Holly, and he had already told me it was over. First of all, ~I~ told YOU that and second of all, even if u told me, you are STILL bothering me!!! I wouldn’t have had a problem seeing him after what he did to Holly, but then he lied to me on top of that, and instead of calling him on it and getting into another argument and listening to his lame excuses I decided to ignore him and then he’s messaging me like it is me bother him. He is so full of himself. I haven’t responded once to anything he has said, so unless he is carrying on imaginary conversations with me in his head (which would be scary) I’m the one who ended it, now take the hint and go away!!!
Taylor’s school is going up another forty bucks a month starting the first. UGH! I can’t afford it as it is, now its going to be an extra 40 bucks a month. I don’t want to uproot her in the middle of the year, the move is going to be tough enough on her, but WTF am I going to do? Pull forty bucks out of my butt? My mom says to ask George for more money, but I know he won’t give it to me. He hates giving me what he gives me now. My mom is getting rid of the dog that she told Taylor she could have, and Taylor is all upset about it, and of course who has to deal with it, me. I had to sit there while she cried for like an hour last night. I felt so bad for her. She got all excited about this dog she was told she could have, and now it is being taken away from her. It isn’t fair. I mean I don’t really want the dog either, it keeps me up all night and I’m tired of it peeing on my rug and eating my laundry, but I feel bad for the kid. Anyway, not much else to report, I just wanted to update this thing because I am really inconsistent about doing so!

Men are so gosh darned stupid! I swear! What the hell does Alex take me for? He must really think I am dumb. After all that crap he pulled the other night, with Holly and everything else, he has a lot of nerve to lie to me on top of it! He said he was going out of town for two days starting Wednesday. Well Thursday night he calls my cell at 7:30 pm and I rejected the call. So he leaves me a voicemail saying that he had wrapped up his business earlier then he though he would and was on his way to the airport so that if I got the message within the next 30-40 minutes to give him a call because after that he would be at the airport and his phone wouldn’t work. So whatever. I logged onto Yahoo messenger and signed in as invisible, because there are a quite a few people I am avoiding, and who do I see log on around 9 pm? Alex! Well, even if he could explain that one by saying someone was on his screen name or something, I logged off at 10, at which point it showed me as being online because my yahoo logs into my cell when I log off, he messages me saying “hi I’m home”. O.k. so you mean to tell me that he got to the airport, checked his stuff, went through security, flew from Newark to Miami, got off the plane, went through security again and got to his house and online in 2 hours??? PUH-LEASE!!!!! I must have idiot written on me face if he thinks I believe that one. It is apparent he used the going out of town thing to try and guilt trip me into seeing him that night because he always has to have his way! So anyway, then yesterday he messages me while I’m at work saying to call him by nine p.m. because we needed to discuss matters. I had softball last night, and even if I hadn’t there was no way I was going to call him. I’m not up to another confrontation with him, and knowing he is a lair is just the last straw for me. So I didn’t call him. So he just messaged me like five minutes ago saying that it was unfortunate I didn’t call him so he guessed that was it and he was sorry things hadn’t progressed. I’m not sorry! I’m GLAD! I can’t even imagine if after 2 dates all that stuff came out what would have happened!
Anyway, the day Alex was supposedly in Newark, I was talking to this guy Tony. We talked on the phone from 10 til almost 1 a.m. and we really hit it off. We made plans to hang out tonight, but he hasn’t called me. He had told me to call him yesterday from my work, and I tried then and later last night but he didn’t answer and he hasn’t returned my messages, so I have no idea. Oh well. Whatever happens, happens!!All this moving stuff is such a pain, I have to call everyone and tell them I have a new address and phone number. Taylor’s school, the bank, my work, my insurance company, my lien holder for my car, put in a change of address with the post office, get my license changed, on and on. Packing is a pin, I cannot wait until it is all over!!!!!!!!!

Tis I once again, and 2005 has started with a bang. Lots of drama and it is only the 12th. So anyway I met this guy Dronix and to makea long story short he ended up being my boyfriend. We went to a New Years Eve party at my friends house, he got pissed off because he thought I was ignoring him, it was this logn drawn out thing, and I appologized that he felt that way but I, and others did not feel I had ignored him, and had tried to include him, which made him angrier. Anyway, we broke up. He left for the military for a year on Monday. We fought constantly about that night right up until he left. It was great, all of his snide remarks and comments designed to hurt me were wodnerful to endure. I sat there and was nice about the whole thing, but I can only take so much. So Anyway. Then I started seeing this guy Alex. We went on two dates, then I had trouble with my car, and he came from Miami (an hour away from my house) and helped me fix it, which I really appreciated. Well.
I got in a big fight with Alex last night because he wanted to go out last night and didnt ask til like 6 pm. I had a migraine and Taylor had passed out and my mom wasn't home, and we got in this argument because he said i was using my not feeling good as an excuse when i could jsut pop some pills and get over it, and i must not really like him if i wasn't willing to fix it and see him. He also said I use my daughter as an excuse not to see him. I'm like my kid is passed out and was crnaky, I'm not going to wake her up jsut to accomadate you!!! My daughter is ALWAYS first and he was like I understand that, but you use her as a crutch. I'm like WHATEVER! i got so angry. so holly (my best friend) was online and i told her what had happened. well i went on invisible because i didnt feel like talking to him anymore, and holly messaged him telling him i get these headaches twice a month and it incapacitates me and also she told him thank you for helping me sat with my battery. Well he totally blew up at her, he told her she was interfering and he didn't like meddlers and that if she continued to meddle she would deal with him. So then he calls me leaving me these messages about how he is disgusted that i "sent my friend to attack" him. I was like omg wtf. Then he says "If you don't call me by 12 tonight then I am going to assume you won't ever call again, so I SUGGEST you call me". Holly called him pompous and arrogant and he called her names and it jsut wasn't good. She sent me the whole covnersation and I got so angry about the way he spoke to her. So I went online again, because I didn't think I could talk to him on the phone without losing it, and talked to him there. I was trying to be fair and said they were both wrong, her for getting in it and him for beijgn rude, but he wouldnt accept that. It was like he was trying to get me to sit there and absh my best friend and i was like Alex, what the hell did you want me to do, what would you have done if i was talking to your friends the way you did? And he said that he would have told his friends to FU and they shouldnt be getting into it, and how he stood up for me and I dont appreciate it. I was like OMG you STOOD UP FOR ME? To my best friend who was only trying to help???? So during the conversation he tells me like five times we shouldnt see each other anymore then kept changing his mind. He is going out of town on business today for 2 days and wants to see me when he gets back. What should I do??